CORETAN HATI

huhu. this is supposed to be posted 2days ago but im like #SO BUSY the other day. It has been a while that i didnt write an entry. well, here goes my diary once again. a place where i simply write what i wanna write & what i wanna voice out. hu!

010111. Hm. Hari nie genap 17 hari aku d Miri sejak balik dr KK. Ahh.. how much i miss kk r8 nw & i really miss my life there with him. I can simply stand on my own feet and live independently. Even pressure yg teramat semester ne.. but, I enjoy my life. I get to know hw precious times are. I really appreciate the memories that i cherish during the moments. I am happy to be beside him most of the times. I get to know him better.. i have the opportunity to cook for him. Aww! Very the like.. haha. I realized that he is a very caring and loving person. Importantly, there is no one like him. The one & only dearest prince charming in my life! Hehe.. he is funny though, also sweet & romantic. Now that we r far apart.. I do feel something is missing. Life seems to be complete when he is around. Hm.. i really want to go back to KK. I miss all of those especially HIM <3

waa.. not just him, i miss goin jalan2 everyday! haha! with buah hati kami bdua *wlpn jz pnjm : iswara putih shining lagi.. haha. well, that car bkn sbarang keta tau.. buah hati pengarang jantung c SyahHazwan tu.. ehe. org lain mgkin xda rasa apa2 lau nek keta tu. Jz kami yg tau. Special sgt tu keta, it neva dissapoint us even keta tu dh tua.. Kami siap bcadang nak upgrade keta tu tp apakan daya, milik owg & cuti mjelang tiba, facing some kind of difficulties. to HIM, dont be sad yaahh? later u will hve ur own car. u could actually buy it from ur uncle but of course if he permitted. we ourselves dont knw if the car does cherishing some sort of memories to him & we dont hve the right to take it away. maybe, we dont always get what we want but, trust me & have faith in Allah swt, the time will come when u will get what u want & it surely is better than what u expected :) k?

dgn keta tu laa.. kami bdua p ke kls tiap hari, dgn keta tu jugak kami berbakti, mhantar rakan2 p sana sini sekalian juak membantu golongan yg dtindas spt shbt kami saudara Matfazly Mat Kasim. Knapa? Sbb, classmate yg len yg dh ada baawak kreta sem ne xmau bawak c kpop addicter tu ma dowg. huhu. jd, tggl la kami yg sntiasa mlihat panorama yg agak menyedihkn ini. chewaahh.. napa bha aku ne, haha. dgn keta tu juak kami p berurusan, kgeraman wktu mhadapi jln raya yg jam d pg hari & ptg hari apatah lg tyme mau raya hari tu, nauzubillah xtkata jam nyaa.. pnh juak jam d parking yg btingkat2.. fuhhh.. sabo je laa.. kpanasan weyhh. tp aku mredakn wktu stress gtu dgn mkn my faveret secret recipe cake yg mmg enak mjilat jari #MARBLE CHEESE. Perghhh.. yyummyy! haha.. bnyk la khidmat tu keta d smpg kngn2 yg dkongsi bsama.. hm. Looking forward to see it again soon together with my charming :)

fuhh.. not just that, this sem agak mmenatkn sgala kpala, tnaga, bdn, batin, otak & yg swktu dgn nya laa ne td.. apa x nya, esok ny mau antar keja la. mana pressure asgment yg btimbun sbb cuti tu lgsg xda line jd xdpt buat keja. gara2 balek tawau la tu.. hu. jan marah yerr SyahHazwan. kbnrn pulaknya tuu.. huuu.. pas ja cuti smggu tu stress nk mmpus. tmbh test lg kuiz lg.. aish. xmng tgn & otak. mau mletup ja rasa. blm lg final exaam ne td mmg pch rekod aku xcukup tdo sbb  bljr smpai 3pagi.. aiyoo.. xpnh tau dlm sjarah hdup. mgkin sbb keupayaan otak aku utk mengingat da bkurg kot? maybe. haish.. tp apapun.. da cuba kn. naaa.. jumaat ne 041111 kuar la result tu. nervous nya bt aku lbh risukn SyahHazwan tu yg owez have low self esteem. haih. Kali ne xtau jugak mcm mana mau handle dia tu. yala, sem3 dia dpt 3.00 pointer pn dia bersedeyh. apalagi lau kurg. huh. ayat2 aku ne pn xdpt nk menangkn hati dia tu lau dia da down tgx result hm.. apapun, tawakal ja la.. to HIM, face it & dont mourn. i keep on telling u success in study is not the main indicator to show success in life but it depends on our attitude & the way u accept the destiny. actually, kita manusia ne suma tauu yg sgalanya suda dtkdrkn mengikut khendaknya. even me, dekan tiap sem pn bole gagal sem ne lau Allahh da ckp gtu, dh tulis gtu dlm tkdr hdup aku. even kta usaha mau ubah, usaha lebih utk bjya.. it depends, sgalanya da dtkdrkn.. kta harus trma sbb kita da cuba the best. xslamanya ssuatu itu smooth ja dear.. not all. but still, kita HARUS USAHA & u ody done ur part. now, leave it to the Almighty.. ya? apapun resultnya, itu bkn petanda supaya kita bgga diri mahupun bsedih hati & give up. NO. it means that u have to keep moving, do ur very best again in he future cz ketentuanNya xda sapa yg tau.. wallahualam.  its not the end of the world, u know? slagi kita hdup, slagi tu kita kerja, beribadah & importantly, berusaha utk capai apa yg kta mau. gagal skali, mahupun bkali2 xbmksd gagal slamanya. dlm stiap hdup manusia, psti ada silver lining ny.. hanya mnunggu masa. 

kata owg jugak, if in study or any other path, u dont succeed till the end, there is always another path that is destined for u. & it is true dear SyahHazwan. you dont want to work with the govt r8? u want to open a biz r8? who knows that will be ur point of success besides mengasah bakat tpendam. jujur aku katakan, awak tu pandai, kreatif & importantly, u know hw to think smartly. u hv the thinking skills. u can answer any questions in exam jz by thinking, alert on the issues, do a lil bit of reading & exercising. u r NOT dumb. ya Allah, tuhan ja tau btapa benarnya pkataan ku ini. i hve been with u 2years & above dear, u have all that matters. even xtgx buku pn, u know the answer except for theories and others that counts that need to be studied, jz that ur english language seems to be a lil bit poor but DONT GIVE UP! DONT EVER GIVE UP! jz do what u can do.. later, 1day.. u will speak & write in english like a professional. amin :) I TRUST U.. u know what? u r cleverer than me.. i am jz a memorizing machine but u r the human of nature :) cuba exam tnpa bljr, tnpa buku, IM DOOM! haha.. but, u r special.. even tda buku, u know the answer. hehe. cz u r a creative thinker. ur opinion is always strong & based on facts. that makes me PROUD OF U Syah Hazwan <3

PROUD TO BE UR GIRL. 

lots of loves,

kylaisabella <3

SEKEPING HATI INI

Lately, hatiku terasa sunyi sekali. Ketiadaan dia di sisi juga memikirkan saat terakhir bersama hujung tahun ne, hati aku menangis. Sekalipun aku luah padanya, mana mungkin dia faham. Mana mungkin dia merasakan yg sama. Sedihnya aku. Seolah2 tidak dipedulikan. Dia busy for the moment and of course dia kepenatan, mana da masa tuk dia fikirkan aku, fikirkan hubungan kami. Mungkin hanya aku yg tlalu manja, berjauhan sikit dh sakit. huh. Tp wajarlah aku berperasaann begitu kerana aku serius dgn hubungan ini. Terlalu banyak yg aku fikirkn dan tlalu aku risaukan. 

Dia pasti xpernah terbayang atau dia rasa aku sekadar meluah sahaja betapa rindunya aku padanya and setiap malam air mataku sering mengalir. Dia xpernah tau and xpernah rasa, xpernah faham. Aku perempuan, dia lelaki. Dia juga xpernah punya pengalaman bercinta dgn owg seperti aku. Apalah nasib aku nanti bila berjauhan dr dia. Dia terlalu yakin, terlalu yakin bahawa kami akan tetap bersama walaupun berjauhan tp kuasa Allah swt, siapa tahu. huh.. 

Aku pasti aku xkan dpt lg menjejakkan kaki di negeri di bawah bayu itu lagi dgn keadaan kewangan keluarga begini and siapa mungkin yg akan membenarkan aku ke sana semata2 mau jumpa dia, siapa?? Wish that he understand how difficut it will be tp dia tetap xserius. Hanya aku seorg yg memikul kerisauan ini. Dia bolehla berjauhan dr aku. Dia punya bnyk saudara mara, bnyk sahabat. Dia boleh hang out ja dgn dowg kn? Dia xkn ingat aku. Percayalah.. huh. 

Aku tiada siapa2 di sini hanya keluarga yg mana mungkin paham hal remaja seperti ini. Aku tetap sendiri.. huh. Agaknya aku perlukan bantuan ahli psikiatri. 

Diam lah kau wahai hati, xda siapa yg akan mendengar bisikan mu. Tiada siapa. huh. 

Tugas kau hanya utk fahami dia tp xda siapa yg akn fahami kau, wahai hati. huh..

syukur utk kejayaan

aku bersyukur kerana dilahirkan sbg anak pertama dlm family aku. kehidupan kami hanyalah sederhana and kadang2 mcm org ssh pulak ( sederhana ka tu? ). sejak kecil lagi, pencapaian aku dlm pelajaran amat memuaskan. kawan2 sering menganggap aku student terpandai antara semua sehingga hari nie aku d universiti juga mendapat title dekan setiap semester ( xtau la bertahan ka x ). bila aku fikir balek, aku xla suka study juak mcm owg lain. sapa la suka kn ( bak kata kawan aku ). tapi aku rasa aku tau kenapa aku berjaya sampai hari ne.

pertama, sebab aku anak pertama dalam keluarga and kami xkaya. apa kaitan nya? hehe.. sebab aku xda dganggu oleh adik2 ka pa and aku xda dmanjakan dgn barangan elektronik and yg sewaktu dgn nya yg mewah2. eg. hp and laptop. saban hari, rutin harian aku sama saja iaitu menghadap buku. kedua ibu bapa ku bekerja. aku suka menghadap buku, aku suka menulis, melukis apa yg aku mau ( bukan lukisan yg seni tu ). aku suka membaca buku. aku suka pergi ke library and waktu aku kecil aku suka baca buku penyiasatan ( instead of novel cinta yg aku sbg remaja baca jugak wktu da skul menengah. hehe ). aku xpnh da komputer or laptop. first time aku men komputer wktu d tadika cina dulu tp itupun plu bayar, lau x.. duduk baca buku ja aku d tepi. kesian nyer.. hu.. budak2 skrg ne kecik2 dh ada hp dh ada laptop. keja dowg online and men game ja. nasib bek aku x. aku sering habiskan masa baca tiap buku text yg ada dlm beg aku. petang2 nenek aku suru tdo tp aku xpndai tdo petang. hehe.. tau apa aku buat? lepas ja nenek aku lelap, aku amik buku agama, mhafal surah. naa.. tu la dia. wktu skul menengah lagi la, rutin aku brubah jugak sbb dh ada hp tp xda lptp. balek dr skul, aku mndi, aku gosok pakaian utk esok, aku susun buku, mkn tgh hari then bukak buku atas katil, bukak tv, hp d tepi ( sms la ) and ada time radio skali bukak. lagi pelik, ggguan pulak suma tu tp bole pulak aku blaja. pelik kn? aku rasa ada kaitan dgn sebab kedua yg akn aku terangkan jap lagi. 

kedua, i have the courage and focus. aku punya keinginan yg aku akn fulfill. aku xbole biarkn diri aku blank wktu exam. pantang sgt. aku paling xsuka bila aku xdpt jwb. bila aku blaja pulak aku fokus tp knapa bla ada ggguan aku dpt masuk jugak? slalunya lau bgtu, owg xdpt fokus. sebab, aku da bjaya kuasai titik fokus aku dgn keinginan aku utk master something. aku bljr ja setiap hari wlpn aku xsuka tp aku mmg suka baca buku. hobi pulaknya. semuanya bermula dgn diri kta sndiri. bagi aku, selagi aku mau, aku akan cuba dptkn. xda yg mustahil mlen kn yg smmgnya mustahil bagi Allah swt utk manusia lakukan. bak kata owg, kita cuma ada 2 pilihan. satu ja yg bole dpilih and aku memilih utk jd bgini jd tiada apa yg mustahil. bkn tu ja.. kwn2 aku pkir mustahil sbb aku hafal smua yg ada dlm buku. hehe.. nthla. aku rasa aku dpt buat sbb aku da tbiasa dr dulu smpai skrg jd mhafal tu bkn satu halangan bgi aku wlpn aku kdg2 trasa jugak mau give up. tmbh2 lg skrg ne hp aku n canggih laptop pn ada. satu la mslh aku. aku cenderung tgx muvee korea cz bosan d hostel. huhu. and sejak tu aku rasa pelajaran aku agak terabai tp aku xmenyerah. aku teruskn juak. aku didik diri aku spya bdisiplin tp jan heran ya, aku xda jadual btulis, sumanya aku rancang dlm minda, dh tbiasa kot. aku paksa spaya blaja bla aku lalai and aku akn blaja bla tekanan tu terasa. lau aku rasa aku dh bsedia, smmgnya aku dh bsedia tp aku xkn tgglkn nota2 atau buku penting lau pg exam, sntiasa aku bawak sbg lgkh bjaga2 emergency sbb smakin dewasa ne otak aku pndai lupa2 dh. aku akn revise slagi tmampu and sempat.

next, sebab aku jadi diri aku sendiri. aku xpnh pduli pa owg kata tntg cara aku blaja. aku ne straight. belok ckit ssh bt aku blaja jugak utk sntiasa ready. jd diri sndiri ne mksd aku, aku xikut owg len. aku blaja dgn mhafal dulu baru memahami sbb aku da tau sumanya dgn mengingat. lepas tu aku blaja memahami. inisiatif aku bgini btujuan sbgaii psediaan. cuba korg fkir.. kalau aku hafal dulu and ada sstgh aku xphm, aku mc bole jwb tp cuba kalau aku paham dulu tp aku xingat pn point penting, apala gunanya? aku xtau korg tp aku mmg bgtu. slps aku hafal n phm aku akn revise balek dgn mnulis mengucap kn balek smuanya mengikut susunan. mcm owg gila la bcakap sndirid ceruk corner, hehe. pastu aku aku salin balek sumanya tp dlm keadaan xkms sbb xmau buang masa tlalu lama. lgpun, aku da ada nota yg aku catit stiap hri d kelas tp lau aku miss, masa len aku free aku akn buat nota tu. aku suka blaja last minute tp tidak mnulis nota last minit. pendek kata, style aku blaja : FOKUS-HAFAL-FAHAM-REVISE. REVISE tu ada 2 : RESPEAK & RESRATCH. haha.. pndai aku buat pkataan sndiri. but, btul la.. itu aku.

ini smua hanya la faktor luaran tp faktor dalaman of course semua owg tau. berkat doa ibu bapa and doa diri sndiri, kyakinan diri juga pd Allah swt dan bertawakal stelah penat brusaha. slain tu, sokongan dr ibu bapa, guru dan rakan juga menyumbang kpada kjayaan seseorg, bkn hanya aku. ssiapa pn boleh :) SYUKUR ALHAMDULILLAH YA ALLAH..

p/s  kpd SYAH HAZWAN : i know u can do it. trust in yourself. i am proud of u dear. 

THANKS TO YOU

THANKS TO YOU. thats all i can say.  for filling up the loneliness with your own way of loudness. for accepting every single elements lacking in myself. for being there when i need someone. for being a great friend also the bestfriend ever. for always motivating me when i am down. for giving me the opportunity to explore the world that i never experience. for teaching me more than i ever know. for wiping away my tears. for making jokes that burst out my laugh & sweep away my sadness. for being the medicine for every single sickness i have been through. for the money you spend on me. for the pain you felt for me. for every steps you walk for me. for scolding me when i am wrong & tried to shape me into a better person. for accompanying me every single minute you are free. for giving all out of you for me. for teasing me & make me shy. for being cute & handsome for me to see. for encouraging me to keep being patient and thankful for everything & thats what i am doing right now.. being thankful to you. there are more that i could say to describe how meaningful you are for me but now i am speechless & shortly, thank you for accepting me as who i am. you are a very lovable person ..

i ♥ u

when you dress up so beautifully for some event yet your boy just kept on silent without a word, doesn't mean that you are not beautiful. the matter of fact.. he is amazed & will always be ♥. that is what i experienced with my boyfriend. sometimes, when he started to have a crazy mood, he will start to tease me & non-stop complimenting. i can't stand that! hehe.. cz i think it is funny & of course turned my face reddish! ahh.. u silly boy.. hu. btw, we are very close like bestfriends & that makes him a very special boy for me. he is different, very different. even i can't tell what are the differences. but for sure, there is no way for me to compare him with others. 


p/s : i ♥ u !